Why The 1% Should Adopt An Indie Band

While watching The Colbert Report, I was struck by Stephen’s proposal that poor people should become the pets of rich people. One solution to many of our current economic woes, perhaps? But before readers run off to buy that diamond collar, I think I can tweak this plan and help the growing Band Bubble find a way to grow without bursting.

The Internet and cheap digital technology has fostered the largest population of new bands in history. It seems that everywhere you turn, a baby band has just hatched. And typically, bands are largely poor with most musicians lacking healthcare and other insurance to protect their livelihood.

So the problem of poor, uninsured musicians loitering busking in our public transportation stations, local bars and unemployment centers has a real solution if we apply Colbert’s adopt-the-poor plan. Art patron pets will have a better lifestyle, complete with healthcare, swimming pools and laundry services. Like the time of Mozart transported to the 21st Century, musicians can look to their new benefactors as the saviors of their career and fetid stage wear. And if you are one of the One Percent pondering adopting that cute little indie drummer you found sleeping in a box behind your pool house, look at the perks:

  • Bands will stay off the couch because they are already accustomed to sleeping on stranger’s floors.
  • Cigarettes and bacon offer all sustainability needs for your new pet band.
  • Requires little bathing.
  • No wardrobe budget – Um, stage-wear?
  • NO boarding! Your band can live in their minivan when you have guests in town to put up.
  • No tuning needed.
Before you write to vent your outrage, you might consider this is true. And humor. Lighten up!

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